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                   Predictions for 2020
           The Legend of 
           “Nostradamus, Jr.”

                   “Nostradamus, Jr.” Kaliher’s Annual Top 101 Predictions for 2020

                              Guest Article by William B. “Nostradamus, Jr.” Kaliher

Producing this year’s soon-to-be amazingly accurate predictions was a miracle. I, Nostradamus Jr., spent the month of August and the following two fortnights sober. Local root doctors had no idea what caused my affliction, but they put a hospital bed up next to Big Earl’s House of Porn & Bait Shoppe where I could overlook the swamp.

 Lucille employed her deliciously dangerous curves to the max and urged me to leave the bed daily. When that proved futile she used a jar of clear corn as a lure. When I failed to respond to even that temptation they knew old Nostradamus, Jr. was down.

     Earl, himself, drove to town, found a formerly licensed doctor who often stitched up patrons at the House of Porn when the frolicking got too involved. I spotted Dr. Longfinger across the parking lot when he stumbled out of Earl’s rusty ’46 flathead Ford pickup and shakily walked my way.

Doc sat on the bed and took the jar of hootch from Lucille before examining me. Between swilling the liquor and squeezing some of Lucille’s accoutrements, he slowly looked me over.

     A batch of good ‘ol boys, Little Egypt and a dozen former Rockettes looking sexier than any Hollywood skinny being passed off as a starlette gathered round. “What’s wrong with Nostradamus, Jr.?” oozed from Bertha Goodbody’s ruby red lips.

     Dr. Longfinger forgot me, set his mason jar on my belly and got lost gazing in Bertha’s cavernous crevasse facing him.  Finally, he got himself together and announced my diagnosis, “The boy’s been whoring, drinking rot gut whisky and smoking cheap Mexican cigars since he turned fourteen. He’s just slap worn out. Hercules himself couldn’t have kept pace with Nostradamus, Jr.”

     “He’ll be okay in a couple of weeks. Y’all just keep a half dozen ladies ready and a couple of gallons of white lightening. He’s going to rip and roar a good one when he recovers and before he gets around to the predictions the world awaits.”

     Well, I tell you what, one morning I jumped from that hospital bed fully renewed exactly as the doc predicted. Eight of Little Egypt’s fully lubed belly dancers waited on me with those lovely hips in an I-dare-you-to-come-hither position. I hoisted a slow cooked side of beef on my shoulder for sustenance and the gals led me to a fully stocked nearby cabin.  The white lightening poured constantly while we rocked and rolled for several weeks getting old Nostradamus, Jr. caught back up.  The problem arrived in early November. Lucille came to relive a couple of the belly dancers and reminded me it was too late to travel to Mexico or Alaska to obtain this year’s predictions.

     Boy, I was lost in the pleasures of flesh, fun and frolicking that would have made Heffner jealous but I sadly remained a serious man with responsibilities. It took another week, but I slowly let the lasses return to Big Earl’s so I could figure out how to get them dang predictions lickety-split. 

     Lucille and I awoke to the sound of Big Earl’s sawmill zipping through Carolina Pine. I forgot sex as I had my answer. We ran outside and there Earl’s ‘46 Ford sat with a strap running off that left rear tire to turn that 60 inch saw blade. “Lucille,” I said, “Run get some Rockettes to record my predictions. I heard they learned how to read and write up there in New York.”

     When the ladies were in their secretarial positions and looking serious I said, “Okay girls, this is going to hurt me, not many men on earth could stand it, but with each prediction I scream out, y’all write it down exactly and Lucille will gimmie a cup of hootch so I can take the next jolt.”

     They were quiet as I opened the hood on that old truck and put the red on positive and the black on the negative battery post with my best heavy duty jumper cables. It took guts, but I bunched up about two inches of butt fat and clamped the other black on that snow white skin. I sucked in a large breath, touched that red end to my big toe, and let out a scream I later learned was heard thirty-eight miles away.

     “Poor baby,” Lucille cooed while checking to make sure my manhood was intact after each scream, before pouring a cup of clear corn down my throat and helping me back up. We repeated the process 101 times to obtain the predictions that will allow earth’s people (without bias to race, religion, sex except for Albanians—to hell with Albanians) to make good decisions during the coming year. Beyond scorching half my body the only real problem was the screaming and hollering scared nearby Bigfoot families, forcing them from the immediate area until they figured out it was safe to return to our swamp country.

     So, here they are—take note and avoid possible pitfalls:


1. Safety legislation will require Democrats wear warning labels on their forehead so people can be prepared for what they say. Liberal labels will be flanked by a pair of skulls and crossbones. The need for this warning will become a health concern after a liberal Democrat looks at a group of nine foreign dignitaries and with a straight face utters, “I believe in science.” All nine will immediately collapse on the ground in gut-wrenching laughter. Eight will escape with minor cuts and abrasions, while the head of the delegation suffers a broken elbow.

2. Suicides will increase among older white liberals (who once stood for equal rights) when confronted with the fact their current hatred, intolerance and demeaning attitude toward non-Democrats pales in comparison to old segregationists debasing negroes.

3. Studies will reveal eighty-five percent of those who robbed children of enjoying the circus by claiming mistreatment of elephants have declawed cats in their homes.

4. The million dollar reward to locate a cup of inorganic coffee will go unclaimed.

5. To counteract the demands by confused gender folks the Proud Boys will demand liberals reciprocate and refer to them as sire and your highness.

6. The Space and Arena Department at the University of Amsterdam will determine Joyless Baywhore would have to turn her head, in blackface or normal, sideways ninety degrees to perform fellatio as no human since John Holmes possesses the penis length to reach further than her snout.

7. Liberals will give up global warming hysteria and become shocked and horrified believing elm trees are refusing to grow due to mankinds, and especially American’s, nasty sweat glands.

8. The Bush family will be outted as devout Moslems when video appears of George in a turban bowing to the east.

9. Mr. Trump will survive the Star Chamber with ease, but breakout in raw red rashes when the word Kurd is used in his presence.

10.         To solidify his position on the multi-gender, species self-identification issue, Bernie Sanders will swear during a debate he can lay an egg and promise to do so on the day he is sworn in as President.

11.         Legislation sponsored by the NRA will be introduced to celebrate the fact Venezuelan and Zimbabwean socialism made it okay for citizens to raid zoos to consume endangered animals.

12.         NPR will discuss how the finer points of prostitution put Stormy Daniels in the limelight and had the media refer to her as an accomplished actress versus Kamala Harris playing Willey’s skin flute to put her in the Senate.

13.         An important emergency broadcast won’t be heard by the people needing the information because the monthly emergency broadcast test will begin two seconds into the real broadcast.

14.         Anderson Cooper will star in a children’s water-wing commercial.

15.         Social Justice Warriors, knowing they control non-thinkers, will decide it only fair white children become slaves for four years upon turning age sixteen.

16.         Uzzigbi Larebil, world’s foremost gorilla poacher, will reveal he tripled his kills after monkey molester Jane Goodall acclimated lowland gorillas to trust humans.

17.         Liberals drive for socialism will stall when trying to explain the difference between a slave system and socialism.

18.         Queer Nation and Gays for the Prophet Go Fund Me campaign will raise a cool million dollars to pay Adam Shiftless to go back in the closet.

19.         A game show will compare basketball and tennis viewers yanking their heads back and forth with contestants trying to determine which fan base has less to watch.

20.         In a desperate political move to re-enter the presidential race, Kamala Harris, despite the notoriety of working from her knees, will legally change her name to Kamel-Toe Harris.

21.         Donald Trump will lash the media in the voice of Donald Duck.

22.         Regressives will be relieved with Albert Gore’s weather hoax’s fourth demotion. As manmade global warming became global warming and then climate change, it will now be required liberals only have to swoon and express minor alarm over daily climate alteration.

23.         On February 9th, CNN will break their 576 day hate Trump marathon to bring their 37 viewers 43 seconds of actual news

24.         Adam Schiff will become a tragic figure when it’s revealed as a kid he stuck his finger in light sockets imitating his favorite cartoon character once too often.  Beyond the wild stare, the reduction in non-fried brain cells left him a perfect liberal.

25.         The Union of Midgets and Dwarfs will demand the Olympics shorten the Marathon.

26.         The negative spirits of the Democrat party’s Alarmists brigade will further dampen when evidence proves fracking settles the earth preventing major earthquakes including one that would have dumped California into the Pacific.

27.         PETA will face demands to explain why the female praying mantis does not provide ethical treatment to her mate.

28.         Pope Frances will be refused communion until he can convince a Catholic congregation he has returned to the Christian faith.

29.         Flyers should prepare to have at least four hogs among fellow passengers as support pigs will become the world’s most popular security pet. Moslem hijackers will claim this craze in pig popularity is aimed at them.

30.         Federally-funded scientist, Milton P. Milton PhD, despite shaking his hockey stick, will be laughed at for clinging to Al Gore’s “manmade global warming hoax” as record cold weather hits yet again.

31.         Psychics will bring William Shakespeare up and he’ll reveal he wished he’d authored Mexico by Motorcycle: An Adventure Story and Guide, https://www.amazon.com/Mexico-Motorcycle-Adventure-Story-Guide/dp/0973519177/ .

32.         Kim Jong-un will differentiate himself from Trump by joining Hillary Clinton and the progressive world by announcing he too does things for the children.

33.         The new frame-Trump democrat-misuse-of-government will blame him for picking Washington’s cherry blossom buds before they bloom just before he sank the Titanic.

34.         George Soros will undergo four liver transplants during 2020 as the four Chinamen sacrificed will each possess below A-one quality body parts.

35         “Alley cat” Al Sharpton will discuss his HIV/AIDS survival in a two-hour MSNBC special. Politically correct, hypocritical liberals will find his remarking, “Freaking faggots gimmie this when I wasn’t watching myself,” no more biased or racist than Hymmietown. .

36.         Studies will reveal The Union of American Televangelists donates 97% of their political funding to the Democrat party to ensure they can’t be branded the most hypocritical group in America.

37.         Democrat voters and Man Made global warming devotees will be stunned by realizing: A. If there was global warming their gods the Obamas wouldn’t have wasted 16 million for a beachfront home. B. If Manmade Global warming were even one, one hundredth as real as devotees imagine, world governments in their own self-interest, would have set differences aside and immediately reacted by having the population live a Stone Age existence until nature righted itself.

38.         A number of people thinking their sophistication was part of the reason the midway lost the freak shows never make the connection while watching Jerry Springer.

39.         On and around September 12th, California’s own Adam “Mr, Eyeball” Schiff will blink.

40.         Democrat party sycophants will be ordered by party leaders to willingly believe the 2020 media spin that it actually wasn’t Russia Trump colluded with, but the Congolese government and they’ll bless America with another never-ending investigation.

41.         In an attempt to put action in the game, the NFL will experiment by replacing the football with a basketball.

42.          Jesse Smollette will actually be beaten this year by two anti-gay crazies and one sane anti-gay guy. Instead of getting help, he’ll discover the true meaning behind the story about the boy that cried wolf.

43.         Another year will pass without a single member of the POUND ME TOO bowel MOVEMENT stepping up and talking about the poor convenience store clerk that was kidnapped and actually raped.

44.         Thankfully, America will celebrate the 121st year in a row of not losing a single white liberal’s life from fighting slavery in Africa.

45.         Nancy Pelosi will finally be confronted over San Francisco’s surfaces being slicked over by human feces. Without a crinkle breaking her 43rd facelift she’ll claim the filth is culturally appropriate and it was past time for bucket-less honey buckets to fertilize California.

46.         Elvis will be discovered working at a pastel colored Arby’s managed by Michael Jackson in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

47.         Kelly Ann Conway and her insecure hubby will sign contracts to wrestle on a WWW Federation pay for view televised event.

48.         Not only will all future coverage be refused, but the International Corporate media will claim there was never such a person as rapist and Democrat Party donor Jeffery Epstein during the coming year.

49.         Naked and Afraid, women’s liberation propaganda production, will actually have a show where the highly trained and experienced former Marine or Navy Seal survives just fine without the woman partner’s special super abilities or passion being needed for survival.

50.         A Democrat contender will seal Mayor Pete’s fate when he or she accurately refers to the fellow lib as “Mayor Buttlicker.”

51.         Joe Biden will raise money for his presidential run by charging Democrat voters a quarter a hair to depress his blond leg hairs and watch in awe as they spring back in place.

52.         San Francisco will be designated “Gas Queen City” due to the patina of human fecal matter covering Pelosi’s streets.

53.         Regressives will reach new levels of sadness with the realization everyone wants clean water.

54.         Reflective news shows will discuss nary a liberal under seventy-five-years of age has ever taken a risk by standing for anything without the support of media, government, or other entity that afforded protection.

55.         Islamic scholar I’bin Bungholed Onetime2many and former Salvation Army tambourine man will beat a Minnesota woman in public qualifying him to be elected as a democrat congressman.


56.          An almost true statement the fake news media lets their dupes know is Hillary Clinton saying, “Many people are urging me to run for president again.” Sadly, the media does not inform their uninformed viewers republicans are the people urging Hillary to run again.


57.         PETA will sue Disney on behalf of the deer population for making money off using their likeness with Bambi.


58.         Virginia Democrats, even black Democrats, will have to produce at least one photo of them in blackface before being allowed to run for state office.


59.          The POUND ME TOO bowel MOVEMENT will release a formula explaining why the exact same rape committed by a libertarian, republican, conservative or Hindu immigrant is 32 times worse than had a democrat done the crime.


60.         Increasing the barbarity and further debasing human life the N.Y. legislature will legalize moms and/or significant others being allowed to drop kick babies during the first week after birth, and the survivors will be declared live births.


61.         Liberal whites will set up a date where black people can shine the lib “I’m against racism” medal and thank liberals for their liberation and ghetto lifestyles. Sadly, white libs will be surprised to learn blacks don’t think they owe them anything.


62.         Open Crack toilet tissue will begin advertizing in Democrat-run cities with the truthful slogan, “Nine of ten San Francisco vagrants and crack heads prefer wiping in public with Open Crack’s tissues despite what Mr. Whipple and the Charmin’ bears think.


63.         Caesar Milan will succumb after a feral pack of Chihuahuas fail to recognize him as a fellow Latino and maul him.


64.         Satan’s more evil son, Nazi George Soros, will require so many human livers to survive this coming year he will actually slow the Chinese population increase.


65.         Conservatives will counteract the left’s creepy Greta Thunberg by training an eight-year-old to both make statements written by adults and be polite instead of a pompous ass.


66.         Greta Thunberg will be totally used up, violated and flushed by her socialist media masters into the heap of mentally and physically handicapped flotsam like Tookie Williams, Cindi Sheehan, Davey Hogg, and James Brady to be ignored and forgotten before February 1st.


67.         The hate filled group leading the charge to tear down Confederate monuments will be stunned and stupefied when they discover the first statue of an African-American soldier is a black Confederate on the Confederate War Memorial in Arlington National Cemetery.


68.         Dabo Sweeney will take a pay cut to become the fourth highest paid NFL coach.


69.         Bucky Beaver will reappear in ads representing a different toothpaste brand.


70.         The National Zoo’s reptile section will hire Nancy Pelosi to teach snakes born in captivity how to properly slither.


71.         Congress will grind to a halt during July as the parties debate endorsing the June Bug as the national bug.


72.         During the upcoming year four different liberals will become inebriated sufficiently to actually stand up for what they claim to believe.


73.         Leftist will continue to tell themselves they are the smartest and most educated folks on earth while believing the phrase “people of color” is different than “colored people.”


74.         Global Warming Suckers will become more difficult to live with as they ask themselves, “What would Greta do?,” before making any decision.


75.         Trump’s single fear will remain Republican backstabbers involved in the corruption holding the democrat party.


76.         Pastor Roddy Roddenbury would like to gather a large crowd to attend his end of the world prediction but will give up in disgust when he can’t figure out how atheist pastors got their sad flocks to buy into the end of the world global warming hoax.


77.         Mental health professionals will work on a method to transfer global warming devotees overwhelming fear of the earth’s end to the more realistic fear of worrying Godzilla will come for them.


78.         The leftist world will make Cool Ways to Express Your Appreciation for Jazz a best seller.


79.         Ironically those most hating the humor of Nostradamus Jr.s’ predictions will love, find humorous and heap praises and claims of high art on a Netflex production of a dick-sucking, weed-smoking Jesus.


80.         West African leaders will refuse to pay reparations to Afro-Americans for capturing and selling their ancestors into slavery.


81.         Despite repeated failures Socialists will claim the smartest ten people on earth can determine where to locate a coffee shop before a city is built.


82.         The Trojan Man commercial will be considered so weak and weird it will take Trojan seven years to recoup the money lost during 2020.


83.         Vogue and Cosmopolitan will have editorials apologizing to gay and transgender whacko-s for not running full spreads and stories on Bill Clinton cross dressing painting found at Jeffery Epstein’s rape mansion.  He was so lovely as a lady in blue it will be considered a major league slight to the GLTL and a couple more letters signifying the different sexuality world.


84.          Many familiar news propagandists will no longer be seen on television as internal investigations force the CIA to quit underwriting their salaries.


85.         ACME bread company will fail miserably when they introduce loafs sliced lengthwise.


86.         To the chagrin of liberal excuse makers someone actually interested in helping children will ask, “Why don’t welfare moms have time to prepare their children breakfast?”


87.         A new idiot proof, self thinking safe car will be introduced that takes all the fun and adventure out of driving.


88.         Republican voters will have to consider the possibility the Clinton’s are actually morally superior to 90 percent of current democrat office holders and 45 percent of Republican office holders


89.         In an effort to show CNN is not biased a reporter will ask Nancy Pelosi if her strap-on-penis is larger than Hillary’s strap-on-phallus and have they ever had a sword fight or sandwiched Jane Fonda during a drunken spree as has been rumored.


90.         The Democrat National Committee will introduce merit badges to award the totally brainwashed. Regressives and other assorted leftists can earn various merit badges based on how well they pretend to like designated minorities or groups of freaks. The most prized merit badge will be for those embracing gay, cross-dressing Bushman gas queens. A very difficult sub-species to locate on the Kalahari.


91.         California Democrats will be honored by several socialist nations for creating the most unsanitary spots on earth.


92.         Liberal, so-called, thinkers will spend six months debating if they should hate albinos or have them wear ID badges around their necks assuring other democrat voters they are not evil Caucasians.


93.         Noted liberal Keith Rabbidlip speeding through Ohio will be surprised at his 180 day jail sentence when black Patrolman Hiram Washington takes offense during a traffic stop when Mr. Rabbidlip yells, “I have white privilege, Uncle Tom,” before temporarily speeding off.


94.         Before exiting the world Ruth “the Bladder” Ginsberg will take a last trip to join Nancy’s cheese and wino crowd to wet the streets of San Francisco.


95.         For yet another year not a single Trump hater will be able to state a non-hypocritical sentence explaining their hatred.


96.         A captured bigfoot will score higher on a standardized intelligence test than democrat voters again raising the question if all people should vote.


97.         The smallest tsunami in history will go un-noticed and mistaken for a slightly high tide when it hits Cape Cod in early September.


98.         Man made global warming devotees will start believing if they eat mayonnaise spelled or pronounced backwards it will cause death.


99.         The Democrat party will enter emergency session when it’s realized not a single fake news television organization has an anchor considered to have a household name.


100.       OAN will be called a porn channel for exposing how many fake news CEOs were visitors to Jeffery “Mr. Democrat” Epstein’s isle of rape and slavery.


101.       This spring you’ll pick a dandelion, forget politics for a moment, and return to the wonderment of childhood. Be sure to savor that moment.


Well folks, you now know what will pass before us this year. Be forewarned and vacation at Big Earl’s if you have the opportunity.




       Safely back at Big Earl’s House of Porn and Bait shoppe, I “Nostradamus, Jr.” Kaliher leave you with a true glimpse of the future. Now you can plan your life with confidence while I plan on enjoying a three month drunk. 

The creator of “Nostradamus, Jr. Kaliher” is William B. Kaliher. He is the author of over 600 articles and Mexico by Motorcycle: An Adventure Story and Guide.  https://www.amazon.com/Mexico-Motorcycle-Adventure-Story-Guide/dp/0973519177/ 




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Nostradamus, Jr. Kaliher's Annual Top 101 Predictions for 2019

Nostradamus, Jr. Kaliher's Annual Top 101 Predictions for 2019

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